When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? I know I wanted to be all kinds of things like a teacher, an artist, a travel agent, own a store, a lawyer, and pretty sure once I did a speech about wanting to be a private investigator. But most of all I wanted to be a stay at home mom. These days you don’t hear that as a huge goal of many girls or women who are achieving their education, and making plans for future jobs. Motherhood would come after all of that right? Once we get finished with school, and internships, and settled into our jobs for a few years, then focus on a family, because that was the plan right? Do this first, and then do that.
Well, I did the schooling, and lots of it. But never quite found the right fit for a “career”. I had plenty of jobs that I did while attending these various schools. State school, tech school, business school, beauty school, and even recently online school. Which I have to admit, is amazing, but that’s for another story. So I continued on working here and there until I found my thing. Well, in all honesty that “thing” found me. Nine months later, I was full-time, round the clock, no training, thrown into the deep end of my new career called motherhood.
Now, keep in mind, I had maybe held a baby twice in my adult life. So this was gonna get real interesting, really fast. The first week or two was going actually pretty good considering I had a C-section and had extra help. But eventually I was on my own. It was just me and her in a daily showdown of who’s more exhausted, impatient, crabby, and counting down the minutes until Dad got home, to rescue us BOTH. No lie, after about a month of this I wondered why I didn’t stick to the plan years ago of having that amazing career so I could go back to now that it has been a few months. Because the thought of having to do this day in and day out for the next several years was probably gonna break me.
I know. I know, this sounds like motherhood and I don’t get along. But on the contrary, motherhood was exactly what I had been looking for all of those years for, and also very much-needed in my life. It is hard…..like crazy hard. It is tiring, to the point of crying like the baby yourself. It is emotional, like being tossed around in a blender of emojis, never knowing when it is gonna start or stop. Sometimes the hardest things are the things you need the most. And the things that you resist doing are exactly what you should be doing.
If I did have that long-awaited and worked for career, I would try my very best to succeed in my work. To do things that made me proud of the path I chose. So why should my at home career be any different. I should do my best at the tasks I have at hand, just like I would for another boss. So by the time I had baby number 2, I was WAY better at my job. No kidding, it took a while to break some long habits of my pre-mom life. Even though I wasn’t a morning person, well now I needed to be an anytime of day or night person. I used to only do laundry once a week, now I do laundry a couple of times a day. I think you get where I’m going with this.
But after a few years of pretty much having the hang of things, I fell into boredom. The day in and day out routine felt like groundhogs day everyday. I can’t tell you how many times I looked in the mirror and didn’t quite know who was staring back at me. I had become a momaholic, and my “career” was everything. I realized I was just going through the motions each day, and I had to find the joy in it, or it would leave me in a place of resentment. So I embarked on a journey to find a new perspective. This sounds quick and easy, but it’s not. It takes some very trusting friends you can talk to, and some time spent willing to dive deep within yourself and face some hard truths. I didn’t need a new career or flee from this one, I needed to change my mind and my feelings about what it really was I did everyday. A great coach of mine, Ryan Yokome says to, “Find the message in the mess”. And to stop focusing on what you don’t have and be grateful for what you do have. And you will start to see the shifts.
Do I just have laundry to wash? NO. I have an abundant pile of clothes that I am blessed to own and wear that make me feel good. I have enough clothes for my kids to wear so will never be cold. I have water freely flowing into my house, into a machine, that actually washes it for me. Before I only saw the laundry as another chore, like the cooking, the cleaning, the feedings, and the seemingly endless diaper changes. I just couldn’t see beyond what I felt were giant daily messes to receive the wonderful and positive messages.
And now, thinking back to all of the things I wanted to be when I grew up, I actually got them all in one amazing career and didn’t even know it.
- A teacher to my kids for all kind of subjects, but my favorite one being life lessons.
- An artist with many crafting projects, drawing, and painting together with them.
- A travel agent, ok, it’s not quite the same, but who else coordinates their rides and activities?
- A store owner. Yupp got that covered, thank goodness for the flexibility of e-commerce.
- A lawyer often sorting through evidence on the popular case of tattletail vs. tattletail
- And my personal favorite is the private investigator. Looking for, and finding clues that lead to the next, only to reveal another. The messages really are in the mess, and one will always lead to another. It all depends on if you are willing to look.
Funny, this career of mine is entangled with all kinds of my favorite things, not mention people who I love so much. And that is a hard thing to come by in most professions. So I guess I did grow up to be everything I wanted to be. Even though in the beginning I was pretty much convinced this motherhood thing was going to completely wreck me…. it actually came to correct me.